am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
