I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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