So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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