What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
