you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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