walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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