some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
just found out that she named her cat after me.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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