Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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