Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
