i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
