god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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