At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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