watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
