Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
