I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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