she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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