I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
