Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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