Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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