so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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