dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
