have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
