K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
