I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
