i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
time to smoke my breakfast
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
