I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
