whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm always down for nudity.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
