what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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