i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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