I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
