I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
