i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
