Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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