Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
