I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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