2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Randomize
