don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
