After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I still have a little drunk in my system
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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