My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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