Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Be still, my beating vagina.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
