My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I'm too high and old for this...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
