So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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