She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
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