No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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