mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
