You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
