Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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