I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
