Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
