Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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