new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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