i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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