that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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